Saturday, 03 April 2021
I wanna die
Please, I cant live
like this anymore.
God says we should to
keep our dream and never give up on our way.
I do that. I keep
continue my live for 23 years.
I never give up.
I close my ears from
what they are talking about me. I trust God more than everything. Everytime I
got failed my heart will always whisper that God will give it in the perfect
time, so I can keep raise my head up again.
But, why? Why is my
life ended up like this?
I dont have problem.
I have complete family.
I have my own money,
from my work.
I have big house.
I have my phone,
netflix, good food, clothes.
But i cant being happy.
I dont need it. I want
to do something, for everyone.
I want my life in the
past back.
I hate when everything
is going to be normal.
I hate when everything
is not like what I want.
I confess, God. I
confess I am sinner
I confess that.
But, from my deeepest
heart, I am just regular person. Just like the others.
And I already begging
your mercy.
I do my best, I pray
everyday more than I did few years ago.
But, why? Why you put
stress and depression for me?
Why I need to cry over
nothing?
Why?
I wish I can cry
because there is something sad
Not because I cant
control it.
Not because for nothing
I believe in you, I put
my faith on you.
But why?
Why I get headache
everytime? Why I cant focus on my days?
Why I have to keep
dreaming while I am awake?
Why I need to cry when
I write this feeling?
I need you, I cant ask
for somebody else.
Not because I am not
grateful for my life.
From below of my heart,
I am grateful for everything, and I am thankful for that
I just wish You want to
put happiness on my days
And put consciousness
on my eyes
I live with dream, I
cant differentiate whether is real and not
I am afraid of my self.
I dont want to hurt my self anymore.
I cant eat, I cant
think clearly, I cant control my self.
Why? Why you do this
for me?
Why you make me alone? Why
there is no one want to be my friend?
Why? Why I need to say
why?
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